Guardians of Grail

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Larry the Farting Machine *warning this post contains mention of farts and bowel movements. You may remember awhile back, if you're truly dedicated to this sad blog of mine, that I blogged about a dream I had about one of my dogs, Larry. This post is also about him, making his second debut on the interwebs.I secretly wish I could harvest farts into some kind of energy resource, because then… Larry, would make me a millionaire. You look at the picture above and see the puppy-like face of an old (dog) man and think… “Aww, it can't be so bad. He's cute.” This dog has single handedly cleared an entire room of 10 people.One new years the family was enjoying girly cocktails while watching horrible end of the world movies. Larry let one rip and as the smell drifted down the row of people on the couches, each person's reaction mimicked the one before them. Which is to cry out,[url=http://www.belstaffbelstaff.net/topichtml/varsity-jackets.html]varsity jackets[/url], “UGH!” and cover your nose with your hand.The only time Larry didn't have gas was when he was diagnosed with some kind of worm. The side effect of the medication they prescribed was that it gave him diarrhea. The plus side was his poop and farts no longer smelled like anything. Sure he still farted because on the quietest of nights if you listened hard enough you could hear the sound of air passing… This beneficial side effect only lasted while he was taking the medicine. We have two dogs, Fred and Larry. Larry is a pit-bull, sharpei mix (a large dog), while fred is a wired hair terrier (small dog).So when one of them poops in the house it is quite easy to tell who did it based on size alone. One evening, I walked into my office to see a small pile of diarrhea. We called for Fred who unknowingly, and innocently scampered towards us only to be yelled at and shamed in front of everyone. After the cleanup I walked to sit at my desk to see an even larger pile of the same dog crap on the floor. Larry had made a pit stop before his ultimate destination. We felt horrible that Fred had gotten the blame and we couldn't even yell at Larry because he was on medication. The freakiest and probably best part of this whole ordeal was that the poop didn't smell like anything. Almost like it wasn't even there besides the mess.Sometimes Larry's farts are so bad that even he has to leave the room after he lets one rip. He's rude like that. You think you hear something, then he abruptly gets up and leaves. Which is never an easy task for a 13+ year old dog. Seconds later a horrible smell drifts in your direction and all you can think of is he could have at least given you a little warning.The worst instances are when he lies in bed with my husband and me. Sometimes after he does his mandatory circle before he can lie down he happens to be facing the foot of the bed. With his butthole pointed at us, he doesn't even flinch when he farts, literally, in our faces.Often times he snuggles down in my side of the bed before I make it to the bedroom at night. Just to be rude I jump onto the bed violently to wake him. On one occasion when I did,[url=http://www.belstaffjacket.net/topichtml/belstaff-logo.html]belstaff logo[/url], it startled a fart out of him. I smelled it first,[url=http://www.motorcyclejacketmall.com/topichtml/belstaff-official-site.html]belstaff official site[/url], then the fan did the rest of the work to blow it into my husbands face. -____-”Don't get me wrong, I love Larry. I just wish I could financially benefit from his farts since they are so abundantly plentiful… Is that so selfish
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